Fashion Don’ts On Your Date Night

Earlier this month we talked about ways to increase your value as a male. It’s all about perception. The more  valuable you seem to women as a man, the more likely they are to date you. But your value as a man isn’t just about your looks or just about your bank account.  It’s the combination of a lot of things that work together to make your more desirable.

In our post earlier this month we talked about things like policing those out-of-control body hairs and avoiding leaving the house in stained or damaged clothing. Well, it turns out there are a lot of guys who could use some fashion advice.  Specifically, there are guys out there wearing things that they absolutely should not be.  You don’t have to be up to date on the latest fashions to score a date with a beautiful woman, and you don’t have to look like Ryan Gosling or dress like Don Draper. It helps, though, if you don’t make yourself look ridiculous before you leave the house.  Here are some fashion don’ts.

First, never leave the house wearing sweatpants, flip-flops, or without a real shirt (and no, mesh shirts don’t count).  Unless you and your lady are going to the beach, where beach attire is acceptable and expected, you don’t want to show up looking like you got dressed in a thrift-store bathroom on your way to a rave. And stay away from t-shirts with messsages on them, or witty slogans, or anything from your favorite science fiction television show. That guy at the bar wearing a Game of Thrones t-shirt isn’t exactly a chick magnet, and that’s because when you’re out on a date is NOT the time to let your nerd flag fly.  That doesn’t mean nerds can’t get dates. It means that when you’re out on a date is not the time to wallow in your geekery. Your lady wants to feel like she’s out on the town with a grownup.  You don’t want to dress like a teenager when you’re on a date.

Next, lose the hat.  A lot of people will hate on the fedora when it comes to hatwear, and fedoras have definitely become fashionable in recent years. There’s nothing wrong with a good fedora, but the time to wear one when you’re dating is only when you’re wearing a matching suit and overcoat (and then, let’s face it, you’re either going to look like a 1920s gangster or the Joker, but maybe that works for you).  The problem is just hats in general.  When you go out on a date, your date wants to be able to see you.  Save the hats for later once you’ve gotten to know each other.

Baseball caps are almost always okay, but stay away from those giant flat-brimmed moron-hats, which make you look like an idiot (and yes, that’s true of anybody wearing them).  And again, lose the baseball hat for the first few dates, unless you’re actually going to a baseball game with a lady who likes sports.

Everything else is a mistake when it comes to hats. Don’t wear knit hats unless it’s wintertime, and even then, try to find something that looks less like something a twelve-year-old would wear. Fishing hats and beanties and other hipster hat wear is definitely off the table. No beautiful woman wants to date a hipster douchebag.

Okay, next, do I even have to tell you not to wear a fanny pack? Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson made some headlines recently when he posted an old picture of himself wearing a fanny pack, and for a little while there it was looking like people were going to embrace the fanny pack as “retro cool.’ When you think about it, the basic concept of the fanny pack makes good sense.  It gives you a way to carry things hands-free and is especially useful if you’re wearing a type of clothing that does not have pockets.

Well, unless you’ve got one of those fanny packs that is for carrying a gun… wait, no, not even then should you wear a fanny pack. If you’re one of those guys living in a state where it is legal to carry a gun, that’s your business, I guess, but don’t carry it in a fanny pack holster because FANNY PACKS ALWAYS LOOK STUPID.

A fanny pack is like a giant tumor on your waistband. It just never looks good. It may offer a certain amount of function, but don’t do it. Just don’t.

Along those same lines, if you’re not Jack Bauer or that guy from “The Hangover,” leave your satchel man-purse at home.  No woman wants to be seen with a guy carrying around one of those unless you’re both bike messengers. It just isn’t a good look for a date, no matter how useful the bag is for carrying your stuff.

Most guys don’t like to put a lot of thought into their shoes.  But the problem is, most guys treat their shoes like they treat their underwear: they refuse to throw them away until they’re full of holes, and even then, sometimes they don’t. Don’t be walking around in busted, broken down shoes or sneakers on your date. Take the time to wear something that looks decent and is relatively new.  Maybe leave the combat boots at home unless she’s into that look…

Oh, and while we’re on the subject, throw away those tighty-whiteys. The reason Bryan Cranston stood around in his tighty whitey underwear on Breaking Bad was because it looked ridiculous.  Unless you are an underwear model, you do not look good in tighty whitey undershorts, and even underwear models only manage to look good in spite of these.  It doesn’t matter what type of underwear you prefer as long as it is a color other than white and reasonably modern (and not all beat up or full of holes).  After all, you’re hoping to get lucky tonight. Don’t wear something that will kill the mood as soon as your pants come off.